is it over?

Its been 1 year and 5 months and why is it that the moment I think I’m finally over you, Something always brings me back to you and all those feelings come flooding back. 

I don’t want to admit I miss you, but being here without you feels wrong somehow. 

And now here I am spending yet another night confused and thinking about you. Remembering everything. What we had. Memories. Feeling the exact same way I had before, not as strong but definitely those feelings are still there. I really convinced myself I am done with this. I have so many emotions right now it’s not even funny. Even as the tears stream down my cheeks, I’ll still fake a smile and make people believe that I’m the most happiest girl in the world. It’s hard. But I still want to be with you, I’m still confused as to why you did and continue to do these things why do we need to communicate. I am left hanging. With these feelings which eats me alive

ewan ko??????

1 year and 5 months na ang nakakaraan nung kami ay nagkahiwalay... 

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing kami ay may pagkakataon na makapag usap. Bakit nasasaktan pa ako? Bakit naiiyak ako sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga panahon na kami ay magkasama. 

ako ba ay sadyang galit lang talaga sa kanya? o sadyang naiiyak ako sa sakit dahil d ko maamin sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman pa ako at umaasang maibabalik ko ang nakaraan. 

Paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na sobra nya akong nasaktan pero bakit may parte din sa sarili ko na kaya ko siyang tanggapin ulit... 

Yung taong hindi mo inaasahang iwan ka, yung taong naging buhay mo. Bigla nalang nawala na parang bula at sa tuwing siya ay magpaparamdam di ko lubos maisip na ang taong nagpapaiyak sa akin ay ang taong makapagbibigay sa akin ng saya. 

GRATEFUL

Sometimes I truly forget about how grateful I am of having this kind of life.

Oftentimes I keep on complaining about something or just having that feeling of pity on myself

I take everything for granted that I never realized how much the good times outweighs the bad scenarios that I encountered, and how much blessed I am compared to so many people in the world.

Looking at the other side of the world there are people who is crying for help, a family in tears as they hope for a miracle to come

staring on a hospital bed as their loved one is on a battle against death. As I complain at times that I hate being sick, where they are taking advantage of their last few moments being alive.

Whenever I get mad to my mom or siblings for whatever reason, while there are some children who is looking for their parents who abandoned them.

Taking time to realize everything that I grew up with friends and a family who truly loves me, always there for me and taught me a lot things that helped me in times of difficulties handling a situation.

Being able to realized how things are going the way God wants it to be, I should stay grateful for everything. That whatever the situation is good or bad but with Him.. everything is possible.

SWEET ESCAPE

I admit they are times in my life where I just want to escape from everything.

To ran away from a place where none of my problems would be able to find me.

Have you ever had that feeling before?

Where you just want to disappear from everyone?

How I wish I can get in a plane and go somewhere and leave all my responsibilities behind, my schedules and to leave all the drama.

I wonder how it feels when you don’t carry the weight of the world anymore.

What would it be like to be the person who leaves instead of the person who always gets left behind?

How does it feel when you finally find that escape or to press that redo button and be the person you always wanted to be.

Life gets so complicated at times that it seems you prefer to just leave and forget about everything.

To your past that haunts you until now and where hope for the future is gone.

I am just being dreamy that one day I will be able to have that SWEET ESCAPE.