is it over?

Its been 1 year and 5 months and why is it that the moment I think I’m finally over you, Something always brings me back to you and all those feelings come flooding back. 

I don’t want to admit I miss you, but being here without you feels wrong somehow. 

And now here I am spending yet another night confused and thinking about you. Remembering everything. What we had. Memories. Feeling the exact same way I had before, not as strong but definitely those feelings are still there. I really convinced myself I am done with this. I have so many emotions right now it’s not even funny. Even as the tears stream down my cheeks, I’ll still fake a smile and make people believe that I’m the most happiest girl in the world. It’s hard. But I still want to be with you, I’m still confused as to why you did and continue to do these things why do we need to communicate. I am left hanging. With these feelings which eats me alive

ewan ko??????

1 year and 5 months na ang nakakaraan nung kami ay nagkahiwalay... 

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing kami ay may pagkakataon na makapag usap. Bakit nasasaktan pa ako? Bakit naiiyak ako sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga panahon na kami ay magkasama. 

ako ba ay sadyang galit lang talaga sa kanya? o sadyang naiiyak ako sa sakit dahil d ko maamin sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman pa ako at umaasang maibabalik ko ang nakaraan. 

Paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na sobra nya akong nasaktan pero bakit may parte din sa sarili ko na kaya ko siyang tanggapin ulit... 

Yung taong hindi mo inaasahang iwan ka, yung taong naging buhay mo. Bigla nalang nawala na parang bula at sa tuwing siya ay magpaparamdam di ko lubos maisip na ang taong nagpapaiyak sa akin ay ang taong makapagbibigay sa akin ng saya. 

BIRTHDAY PRAISES!

Praises: (February 21, 2013)

I have to admit, I was not as excited as usual for my birthday--- maybe because for me it’s just an ordinary day.

But my birthday just served to remind me of how blessed I am.

I just turned 26; it’s been a rollercoaster-EPIC ride for me. God indeed has blessed me in many ways. Grateful and happy with the blessings He gave me.

Thank you for walking with me daily, You have carried me when I needed you. I thank the Lord for giving me another year in my life, all the blessings and gifts He allowed me to experience. Celebrating it away from my family but the Lord makes it sure that I will enjoy celebrating it here with my ARK Family.

I am so thankful for the amazing people God has blessed me with. Every year seems to get better and better.

God has been so gooood! I’ve seen some doors closed, but a lot more have opened. God has proven His faithfulness, and kept me in perfect peace. I have no reason to complain.

I’ve had a year of great health: I’ve been admitted, been in and out from the hospital, a lot of prescriptions, and a lot of trauma in my body. But still grateful I’m alive!

I have family and friends who love me; they showed me so much love. He blessed me with a  group of people who have enriched, and inspired my life.

I am also thankful for the wonderfully gifted, smart, and motivated counselors that the Lord has place in my life. Helping me to grow in my Christian walk has pushed me to a higher level of accountability, and I’m proud to take on the challenge.

This year is going to be awesome; I am expecting great things from God I am also expecting to do great things for Him. He has blessed me more than I deserve, and I am happy He has called me His own.

I realized how God has taken such good care of me, and blessed me with so many amazing people in my life, and gave me incredible opportunities. I am very excited for what He has in store for me in the future.

He truly embraced me and poured me through the blessings around.

Thank you Lord!

-aix-

GRATEFUL

Sometimes I truly forget about how grateful I am of having this kind of life.

Oftentimes I keep on complaining about something or just having that feeling of pity on myself

I take everything for granted that I never realized how much the good times outweighs the bad scenarios that I encountered, and how much blessed I am compared to so many people in the world.

Looking at the other side of the world there are people who is crying for help, a family in tears as they hope for a miracle to come

staring on a hospital bed as their loved one is on a battle against death. As I complain at times that I hate being sick, where they are taking advantage of their last few moments being alive.

Whenever I get mad to my mom or siblings for whatever reason, while there are some children who is looking for their parents who abandoned them.

Taking time to realize everything that I grew up with friends and a family who truly loves me, always there for me and taught me a lot things that helped me in times of difficulties handling a situation.

Being able to realized how things are going the way God wants it to be, I should stay grateful for everything. That whatever the situation is good or bad but with Him.. everything is possible.

SWEET ESCAPE

I admit they are times in my life where I just want to escape from everything.

To ran away from a place where none of my problems would be able to find me.

Have you ever had that feeling before?

Where you just want to disappear from everyone?

How I wish I can get in a plane and go somewhere and leave all my responsibilities behind, my schedules and to leave all the drama.

I wonder how it feels when you don’t carry the weight of the world anymore.

What would it be like to be the person who leaves instead of the person who always gets left behind?

How does it feel when you finally find that escape or to press that redo button and be the person you always wanted to be.

Life gets so complicated at times that it seems you prefer to just leave and forget about everything.

To your past that haunts you until now and where hope for the future is gone.

I am just being dreamy that one day I will be able to have that SWEET ESCAPE.

HOW IMPORTANT IS LIVING NOW?

http://euphoric21.tumblr.com/post/16781024403/how-important-is-living-now

Peace is a big word and so much hard to attain for our own self. Even in our world today we cannot observe that “world peace” 

Where would peace come from anyway?

I am a type of person who worries about my future like “what will happen tomorrow?, the next week’? what if like this and that?”… even the future of my family, my mom and 2 brothers. I work to help them and give them provision .. i know inside me that its not enough that i should provide them more, i have to save money, i have to look for another job to do that. but what stopped me?—- is the realization that there is GOD in our lives and He don't want me to think that way. Currently He is letting me experience His Love in me by that i attained peace in Him, Myself and as well as with others. 

as you have observe when we have peace in our hearts we don't worry about whats gonna happen next because we submit everything to HIM and trusted HIM that whatever happens He is with us now and forever. God wants us to feel how important is to have Him in our hearts and how important living the life NOW. and let God control our lives because no matter what we will do we cannot change our future God already planned it since the day we are all born.

Lord God, Let your love stay in my heart for me to experience peace within you, myself and the world. DO not let external forces to get inside me by covering that love that i am experiencing now. I dont wanna worry about anything. i wanna focus to ONLY you Lord, by living my life NOW.